Confession of a workaholic

it is never easy for me to admit, yes, i am a workaholic.

Rebecca Bloomwood said in "Confession of a Shopaholic" - "you know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better."

I totally experience that when I stepped into Lancel store this afternoon, and hold her in my arms - Lancel Brigitte Bardot Bag - she was looking abolutely divine to me, her angelic smile melt my heart completely... I thought I blacked out, and before I realized, I was actually paying already... and the world starts to get better, way better than the world where shopkeeper would sighed at me just because I wasn't buying and definitely didn't look like a mainland shopper! (for that Sinequanone earned the credits) I am living in a world on a gigantic lollipop, just a stare at my angel, everything is sweet and perfect... just before I am back to reality - email and phone calls from media friends.

By no mean I am saying this is a fall from Heaven - and this is what is actually worrying.

Imagine, how much effort I have put in to convince myself to take Friday PM off... it wasn't easy at all I tell you, I have postponed it for once... and the fact that I was on email the whole time, and I have diverted all calls from my deskline to my cell phone, I was, as a matter of fact, hoping to work and prove myself useful.

And I actually feel happy that I have managed to respond to 4 enquiries... when I was supposed to be off... and the uncontrollable flush of excitement in my voice when I received the calls annoyed my mom... If it wasn't for my BB Bag, probably I would feel that my whole afternoon was wasted for no reason...

So to conclude, allow me to quote from Rebecca again - "when I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again". the same goes to work too.

爸爸, 生日快樂

我從來是一個異數。

別人喜歡快，撘車最好不要等，車程越短越好。我卻最喜歡等，車程會選最長的，因為就是這些時候我可以發呆而不被發現。在車上想很多事情。

也許因為今天是爸爸的生忌，心口像被重重的哀傷壓著，呼吸有點困難，腳步有點沉重。

我喜歡繁忙，喜歡坐在巴士看出車窗，像一個局外人靜看路上的行人，我的淚水正好是街燈的陪襯，只要不會哭掉我的眼線及假眼睫毛，我喜歡在巴士上哭。

巴士要到站了，是時候下車，回到現實世界，我又做回大家認識的我了。

我要當情婦

當情婦，要有比一般人厚的面皮，及無比的意志力去抵抗每一次叫你的男人背著他另一個女人跟你偷情時的良心責備。同時，你EQ不是奇高，就是人太老謀深算，覺得short-term忍氣吞聲，long-term同大婆鬥長命，睇你死先定我比你條佬飛先。

我自問沒有當情婦的條件，先撇開外在條件不談（身邊有個當人情婦的，連五官也談不上齊整...），不要說偶爾溫柔，踩著我條尾，我就要咬到你斷氣，簡直凶殘成性。

那為甚麼我立志要當「情婦」？

－－竟然是看完了一個應該看完本應我會震怒的sms，我打了一個冷震，笑了出來，對，我不會打一場沒有把握的仗，太無聊了，況且，夾在中間的，就是我天天也要面對的人，如果為了一些無關痛癢的事情令關係鬧僵了，我全沒著數可言。再想想，錯跟本不在涉事人身上，有人要橫蠻無理，令我難受，繼而威逼理由別人以達致目的，我跟她鬥下去，只會顯得我蠢。你給我外人的待遇，卻期望得到屋企人的回報，project-based的客，我怎能夠幫你免費計ad value再送3個interview，幫你送埋「鐘」（終）好冇？

所以，我來一個，你不仁、我假義。放心，我要假，可以很假。

我會去你的婚禮，還會滿臉笑容，開開心心為你鼓掌，衷心祝你幸福。因為我是一個健康快樂的小朋友；因為你的無禮、無知、無理，我為自己賺多了一天假期，男朋友緊緊攬了我一下，我樂上了半天，絕對是賺翻了。而你，失去了一個將會為你真心、忠心為你好的準親人，很可惜吧！

「情婦」萬歲！

秋

就當這是秋季過敏。

每年的九、十月，就是這麼不經意的溜進來，然後冷不防的一巴一巴往我臉上刮。我受不了涼涼的秋意，更受不了十年後依然害怕中秋節的來臨。

記得在某個秋意醞釀的早上，媽媽陪著爸爸到醫院去，我心血來潮做家務，當時家裡還很整潔。也許是拖地水的薄荷味太過刺鼻，「爸爸要走」的那個事實不知從哪裡冒出來，化身面目睜獰的惡魔狠狠地瞪著我，我不知不覺已淚流滿面。回憶不停在光亮的地板播放。

怪只怪不知從哪裡來的涼意，跟那薄荷味直要衝著我而來。這晚，我盡情在一花曬的熱水中狂哭，哀悼我的執著、對過去的不捨、對爸爸的離去緊抓不放。我註定跟秋天過不去。

First post in my xth blog

to begin, this blog is going to be bilingual... basically it is because i am not good at either chinese or english, so i will just write whatever language i feel like writing in. and this is going to be updated very irregularly... so you are strongly encouraged to keep coming back from time to time, am sure you won't want to miss anything!

got it?